Halloween with my Centipede Daughter
>Be typical wagecuck
>with one exception
>married a 10/10 centipede wife, been together 6 years
>Be stuck working Saturday even on Halloween
>dammit. At least the wife's home with daughter
>Get text. It's the wife.
<"Got called in to do an emergency surgery, need you here stat."
>that would be the family emergency clause. See you, suckers!
<"P.S. Emmy's molting, you'll have to give her a bath."
>Oh hell no. Not bathtime.
>last time it took a week for the scratches to heal
>Get home, kiss wife goodbye
>Emmy is in her room
>this requires strategy
>knock on door and step in
>"Hey kiddo, guess who's home!"
>"And since daddy's home, you know what that means. Arm rides!"
>she loves the arm rides
>squeals with delight
>she's climbed over your back and coiled around your arm before you can even blink
>run around the house, her leaning into the wind like an old-time fight pilot
>oof, getting heavier though. Good thing daddy's been working out
>end in the bathroom
>close the door and take her shirt before she realizes what's going on
>as the lock clicks it dawns on her
>look turns to sheer terror
>"Now Emmy, mommy said you need to take a bath after molting."
>she coils tight around your arm
>"Emmy, be good. Only good girls get extra candy after trick-or-treating."
>her eyes shine for a bit as she considers it
<"No, it feels yucky and makes my skin all itchy."
>welp, there goes the carrot, no choice but the stick
>"Emiko Okada, get down from there this instant or you'll be sorry!"
>she coils tighter and stares accusingly at you
>the travails of fatherhood
>dunk your arm into the bathwater
>we're talking second Fallujah here
>thrashing, screaming, accidental claw marks
>soap flying everywhere
>she manages to slip out of your grasp and crawl into the back of your tanktop. How the-?!
>nothing for it, pull it off
>cat, er, centipede's in the bag. Into the tub she goes!
>more thrashing and screaming
>haven't we done this already?
>get the shampoo
>half the water splashed over the floor
>finally done scrubbing her clean
>dry her off and open the door
>she scurries off to her room
>Now to find some dry clothes
>there's a "makes me wet" joke in there somewhere, but you're too damn tired
* * * * *
>Be centipede daughter
>Five and a half year old now. Daddy always forgets the half!
>and it's Halloween!
>Candy! Costumes! Pranks!
>except you have two problems
>it's almost nighttime and you're all itchy because daddy made you take a bath after molting
>the big meanie!
>You also need a way to get back at Rissa
>she's a cat, mommy says a 'Chesser'
>usually she's fun, but the other day she did a mean joke
>she said you'd get candy if you put my antenna in Mandy's tail
>It tried to to eat you!
>you were stuck until Mandy's mom came to help, and Rissa just laughed!
>tonight you'll show her
>or you would, but you're out of ideas...
>Knock on the door
<"Emmy, it's almost time to trick or treat. Do you want to get your costume?"
>Hmph! You're not falling for it a second time!
>It's not like it feels nice now that your shell's hardening or anything, stupid.
<"Since you did a good job getting clean, you can even take a candy early."
>...early you say? No, stupid daddy! You won't give him the satisfaction.
>but wait, if he's giving candy now he must feel bad.
>and you hate to say it but he's really tricky
>gears turning in your head
>take on a mournful voice
>"If I come out daddy, will you help me with a problem?"
<"Sure thing, kiddo."
>let him in and explain the problem with Rissa
>she wasn't even scared of your ghost costume
>said it's kiddie stuff compared to "Aliens"
>daddy mutters something about "irsponsible parenting"
>he looks around
>sees my old shell and pauses
>his smile is super-scary *shiver*
* * * * *
>Rissa is coming
>daddy already helped you with the plan
>you get to hide inside a pumpkin! Daddy even took a picture of you.
>this is awesome!
>Rissa's here. Quick, hide!
>knocks on the door
<"Hey Emmy! Ready to go get some candy?"
>use daddy's phone like he showed you
>a spooooky scratching sound plays
>Rissa looks around nervously
<"Hey, come on, if we don't go we're gonna miss out!"
>she knocks again
>use the phone's "package receive" option
>door creaks open on its own
>play the sound louder. Rissa freezes before getting the courage to continue
>you stifle a giggle
<"E-Emmy? Is that you? ...c-come out, I'm not gonna get scared by a s-stupid trick like this!"
>she starts moving in
>can't see her anymore, but you can feel her steps with your antenna
>this is the part you practiced with daddy
>get the phone one more time
>time to show her!
>big red button
>molt comes swinging down at her head
>jump out from the pumpkin and grab her with front legs
>screams even louder and curls up in a ball
>you skitter to her ear and whisper "Gotcha"
>Best. Halloween. Ever.